HUMBLE CONFESSIONS OF A CHRISTIAN RACER…

 

Hey friends, I told you I was going to write about my experiences on this Christian race; although, so far, through my posts, I have kinda come across as “da boss!” of Christianity – like I’ve got it all figured out. You know what I mean? – challenging y’alls faith to be like mine; encouraging your study of the word like I do; asking you to activate the Holy Spirit in you just like I do, etcetera. I’ve been praised, encouraged, asked to throw more light on some topics (which I’ve gladly done, severally), etc, because I seemed to be really grounded in the Word and ways of God.

Well, folks, while I am super-duper grateful to GOD for how far He’s brought me, and I acknowledge that where I am now isn’t where I used to be, I must confess that my posts may have somewhat misrepresented me.

I’m writing here today to confess my shortcomings and my fears. Please, stay with me on this. I really do hope you can relate somehow; and if you do, will you please, share yours too?

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Sometimes, when asked, “Temi, how are you doing?” I say, “I’m doing great,” when in fact, great is the exact opposite of how I’m doing. I say that to express optimism and positivity. But in actuality, isn’t that just a lie?

I teach others about exercising strong faith in trying times and at moments of great expectations. I confess now, that sometimes, my own faith tends to waver when the going gets tough.

I encourage others to study their Bibles with the promise of a liberating experience. The truth is sometimes I skip days of intense Bible study, either because of busyness or laziness, or just sheer boredom. Now, this makes me feel ashamed of myself.

Sometimes, I’m at a spiritual low and feel far from God. But at those times, rather than share my weaknesses, so as to receive strength and encouragement from fellow believers, I plaster a pious smile on my face and offer spiritual encouragement to others who are low too. Wow! Isn’t that just a gift? Insane!

Many times, I know I should take out time to pray and intercede for others, but I don’t. I don’t feel like going to church sometimes. Well, for that, I know it’s just a feeling, so I always still go.

I’m sad sometimes. I’m lonely sometimes. I feel helpless sometimes. Sometimes, the reality of some of life’s uncertainties gets to me so much that I impatiently long for the certainties of heaven.

Oh, I fail sometimes. I’m angry sometimes. I yell sometimes. I overreact sometimes. I’m ashamed to admit that I gossip sometimes. Oh, I make so many mistakes. Somewhere in me I thought I’d never make any wrong choices again because I became a Christian. But now I know better.

Now, I’m aware of  my weaknesses and I won’t be sorrowful about them anymore, because each of them – every single one of my shortcomings – remind me that I am a Christian. That I need a Crutch – for without my Crutch, I fall. Don’t get me wrong. I do not boast that I sometimes do wrong; I’m just glad and thankful that where I fail, GOD succeeds for me. If I do not recognize my weaknesses, I fail to acknowledge my Helper, and that makes me think I’m self-sufficient. But I know I’m not. I know I cannot stand without my Crutch. (1^st Corinthians 10:12)

So from today, like the Apostle Paul, rather than wallow in self-pity because I have some weaknesses, I choose to glory in every one of them. For when and where I am weak, HE is ever so strong. (2^nd Corinthians 11:9-10; 12:5-10)

From today, anytime I don’t feel like studying my Bible or praying, I’ll remember that it is just a feeling, and instead, allow the Holy Spirit to lead through my spirit.

From now on, when my head seems to doubt, I’ll remember that my head and my heart (spirit) aren’t necessarily always on the same page. So instead, I’ll let my mouth speak out through my spirit that, “He is faithful that promised.” Like Abraham, I will not consider the deadness of my situation; I’ll just remember the living truth of my Living GOD. (Hebrews 10:23; Romans 4:19-21)

Next time, when I’m afraid and anxious, I won’t hide it. I won’t deny it. I will just remember that He is always with me – in the valleys of the shadows of death; in the waters, and in the fires, and through the storms – wherever I may go. (Psalm 23:4; Isaiah 43:2) 

And when I fail, when I make mistakes, when I choose wrongly, I’ll confess my sins and repent, trusting Him, who is faithful and just, to cleanse me from all unrighteousness and to use my wrongs to make the “I” He made. (1 John 1:9; Romans 8:28) 

Through all my failures, fears, shortcomings, and weaknesses, I will always remember this one thing: I am a Christian!

Poem by: Maya Angelou

I'M A CHRISTIAN

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

Poem by: Maya Angelou